"I am drunk..... But can you please help me pray?..... You know, I was baptised in this church, I had my fist holy communion and confirmation here; yet now..... Do you think God would listen? Would he understand?"
There are times in our lives, when knowledge doesn't come to our aid, nor does the theology or the wisdom of the volumes of books read through the many years. Here I was, in the midst of one such situation. Standing alone in St Edmund's Church, before that young man at about half past 3 in the morning, when most of the world was sound asleep, all I could say with tears welling up in my eyes was, "Sure, let's pray then." We knelt before the blessed Sacrament, took the 'Praying the rosary with ikons' CTS booklet and started praying the glorious mysteries. The meditations of the mysteries took on a new meaning that morning; we prayed, we meditated, we stayed silent, he wept, and I, I could see oceans of love, grace and mercy welling up within and around us. The God of surprises once more caught me unawares.
It was probably at around quarter to 3 in the morning, that there was a loud bang on the door and I saw this young man of about 26 or 28, with a bag in his hand, trying to get into the church. I opened the door and he asked, "can I pray?". It was early Sunday morning, and the 48 hour adoration at St Edmund's Church that started on Friday morning was drawing to a close. After two nights of sleeplessness, I was, quite shamelessly, looking forward to a refreshing nap in the morning. There were not many people on Saturday evening, but as the night wore on, there was a regular but small stream of people coming in and going out. Though I was tired, I was quite happy to unlock the doors for all who wanted to come in or go out. If not anything, vindication, I thought of my ministry and its relevance. But after this young man came in, a few minutes later, the last person who was keeping watch also left the church. Now it was just me and him and the God my Lord in the monstrance. It was then that he came to me and told about his need to pray. We prayed the rosary, the litany and the memorare, and after that I stepped back a little, leaving my new friend and the Lord to talk it out.
During the 2002 World Youth Day in Toronto, Blessed Pope John Paul II said to the young people,
"No fear is so great that it can completely suffocate the hope that springs eternal in the hearts of the young. Do not let that hope die. We are not the sum of our weaknesses and failures,; we are the sum of the Fathers love for us and our real capacity to become the image of his Son"
As I sat there that morning, I thought about that Father's love in my life, which has sustained me in my every struggle and weakness. The love that has searched me when I have wandered off; the love that has reignited me when I have become lukewarm, and the love that has held me precious even during those hours when like Job in the Old Testament, I cried out that I do not desire to go on with these failings and misery. Life is not about what I do, rather its about what I become, its about how much I allow myself to be transformed in the image of Christ. As Blessed John Paul II says again, "Its the struggle to surrender the person that-I-am for the person I-ought-to-become..". And I understood that this Awakening adoration happening in St Edmund's was not about the number of people who have not come or who have came for the adoration, its about me and my capacity to accept this love, which has come to its fullness on that cross on Calvary..
Yes, this is what I am called to do, to be the love of the Father in my life situations; to be Jesus to my brothers and sisters. 'To be in his image', is to allow 'Gods love' to radiate through me, even in my weaknesses and failures. This is my calling, this is what 'New Evangelization' is, to be transformed in Christ, in Love and to live that love as a witness and a pauper in a world where love is all about taking in and consuming, and not giving up. What I do can never be a vindication of my calling, because as Blessed John Henry Newman says, "Somehow I am necessary for His purposes, as necessary in my place as an Archangel in his--if indeed, I fail, He can raise another, as He could make the stones children of Abraham". Today, if I don't do this, then tomorrow God will raise a hundred others in my place to do the work he asked me to do, and they will do it in a much better way.
After a while, my new friend came to me and said its time for him to go. Has he found joy? Has he found his God? I don't know... But I could for sure see the peace on his face. We hugged and said goodbye and I promised to keep him in my prayers everyday and asked him to keep me in his as well. He collected his bag, and started his walk back home and as he walked out, I thought, "He is still drunk, drunk with God.."
