"He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth." (Isaiah 53:7)
Life has taught me umpteen number of lessons, or rather, God, through the very many struggles, failures, trials, sufferings and joys of life, has tried to lead me, slowly and patiently, into the reality of Him; but my problem has always been that, I have neither been good nor mature enough to learn from those lessons which life, so benevolently tried teaching me at various points of the journey.
Often times, the reality of "what could have been" dawns on me quite late, well past that window of grace, where God is waiting patiently for me; waiting for my yielding and surrendering to him, albeit with a reluctant, unwilling 'Yes'. Yes to those impossible life situations that I find myself in; Yes to the job that I do not like; Yes to the slight discomfort of missing the train; Yes to extending my arms to help a brother or sister in need; and Yes, to the failures of others which sometimes hurt big time. But hold on, hold on. Dear God, with all love and respect, I genuinely think you are being very unreasonable here. How can I say Yes to any of the above? Don't you realise that I get Hurt in those situations? Can you not see my pain, my situation?
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven" (Matt 5:3)
Often, in my daily struggles, the focus is upon me and me alone. My family, my problems, my career, my struggles, my gains and finally my ministry. Sadly even in my mission and ministry life, I bring in my own shortcomings and narrow mindedness to such an extend that, in reality I am not doing Gods work anymore, but I am doing what I perceive to be Gods work, in a way I dictate, and if at all God wants to have a say in it, then please wait outside until I finish Gods work. And the fact is that, He waits outside, until I am done with all of His work.
Its easy to get lost in doing Gods work. As Blessed JP2 once said to some seminarians, "Don't get too involved doing the work of the Lord, that you forget the Lord of the works". Its easy to forget why we are doing what we are doing. If only I would pause for a moment and think; if only I would be in front of the blessed Sacrament and ask the Lord for the reasons and hear Him speak..
"For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice,
the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings" (Hos 6:6)
Why do I write all these now? Over the last few weeks and months, I have seen the catholic blogosphere of UK attacking one another with such ferocity and spite, that at times I wondered, are we really followers of Christ. But, the very next moment, I am fully aware of my own weakness and my own tendency to get carried away and if at all that happens, dear Lord, I pray that you may make me read this, so that I may fix my focus back on you and not on my feelings of hurt and resentment.
So help me God..
