40 Days For Life

Friday morning, while on the train to work, I cam across this news in Metro daily. It was such a joy to see the picture of Melinda Star Guido at 24 weeks. I believe pictures speak more profoundly than words. With the legal abortion limit at 24 weeks here in UK, its good to realise that at 24 weeks, the child in the mothers womb already has arms and legs and a face and above all a soul, which is irreplacable. Every human life concieved is a miracle, a miracle of Gods unconditional love and trust.

Below is a small sharing I wrote for Jesus Youth after we visited and prayed with the 40 days for life campaign in early October in Birmingham, UK.

Last Sunday, we (me and my wife) along with some of our friends, went along to the "40 Days for life" prayer campaign in Birmingham. We spend a good couple of hours in prayer outside the Calthorpe abortion clinic there.We also were fortunate enough to take part in the siege of Jericho prayer around the clinic that evening. It was a cloudy day, the mood was sombre. And my heart was heavy; probably the powers of darkness and evil in me were wielding too much power over there. During the Jericho prayer we walked around the clinic seven times, praying countless number of rosaries and divine mercy chaplets; praying for the walls of evil to crumble and fall; praying for the innocent lives of hundreds of unborn babies whose mothers have and would visit the clinic in future; but above all, praying for forgiveness, upon us, we, who have fallen to even greater depths and upon the whole world.

It was indeed a touching experience for all of us to have taken part in this huge witnessing of faith. As I walked around the clinic, with around 75 other people, both young and old, families with small children, priests, nuns and seminarians, I really began thinking "why I believe in what I believe". For this was a long cry from the beauty and majesty of the Holy Catholic Church of the World Youth Day and its joys. Now, all that I could feel in me was a lingering pain, a dizziness, a sense of abandonment, but I knew somehow that this was where the church wanted me to be; this was where my God needed me to be. No glory, no fanfare, but to be part of a cause, which the world considers to be madness at best and bigotry at worst. Am I willing to fight the losing battle? Would I trust and would I have faith? Oh yes, for there was plenty of faith on display there, faith that drives people like Isabel, Brian and Aline to stand and kneel in front of that clinic, day after day, hour after hour, praying the rosary, being ridiculed, mocked and verbally abused, yet only smiling, helping and blessing in return. And I could hear the words, "You of little faith".

Sometimes you see evil face to face and it frightens you, at other times it taunts you, many times it teases you, lures you, tempts you and over the last couple of days, I have seen and felt quite a bit the power of evil in and around me. I posted some updates on yesterday's prayer siege on my Twitter account and was surprised to see the amount of interest it generated from some pro-choice supporters from around the world. My comments were torn apart and I was bombarded with arguments and counter arguments, was pronounced a miserable thing, despicable. And I understood that sometimes courage alone is not enough to stand up against evil, faith and lots of it is needed. As St Paul says, Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen..

I was there only for a couple of hours and the abuse I endured was mostly online, I can only imagine the amount of abuse and taunts our brothers and sisters who would be praying outside the clinics around the world would endure. As the Siege of Jericho around the Calthorpe abortion clinic came to a conclusion yesterday, the following poem was read out, which for me summed up the whole experience.

MY LITTLE ONE
Today I think of you while I am weeping
And slowly count the lost and empty years;
If you had lived, it would have been your birthday,
Though every day, in truth, is filled with tears.

I try, of course, to think of other matters,
To dust and clean and wash away the pain
And yet the more I try to push you from me,
The deeper in my heart do you remain.

What colour were your eyes, your hair I wonder
Your little ears – what shape would they have been?
I want you, seek you, yearn so much to hold you
But in my searching mind you stay unseen.

If I  had known upon that day the future,
If I had felt the torment I would bear,
If I had not then let them take you from me,
I would not now be slave to this despair.

Within that room of death and dark and coldness
The devil surely did exultant dwell,
For was it not indeed the very annex
Adjacent to the icy halls of hell.

And is it my imagining, I wonder,
When first you felt that sharp, satanic knife,
You cried to me in fear, “What’s happening, Mama?
I beg you, help me … help me … save my life”.

It is a world become malign and shadowed
Where forces cruel, depraved, demonic reign,
Where those who are most innocent and helpless
Are cast away like winnowed husks of grain.

They talk of “women’s choice” and “women’s freedom”
And claim the right to life is theirs alone;
They blind their eyes to those who still lie hidden
Within the womb that they, themselves, have known.

All joy, all hope, all human warmth must perish
When pity, love and trust are thus betrayed,
When frozen hearts and callous hands accomplish
A work that dares destroy what God has made.

And it is He, the Lord of Life, who formed you
And cherishes you now, my little one,
Who will, upon that day when all shall tremble,
Ask why it was this piteous deed was done.

  --- Michael Healy

Jesus, help and protect the unborn.....

iForgive

I started with this blog post some time last week and for some reason (that I cant now remember), titled it iForgive, and the next day, as I woke up, the first news that greeted me was the death of Steve Jobs!! Its a great mystery to see the way in which the seemingly different, inconsequential things, sometime feel interconnected in life. Many consider it chance, luck or coincidence, whereas Blessed John Paul II used to call it grace and providence.

Over the last couple of weeks, the question of forgiveness have come up again and again. Through the many things that have happened during these days, the subject of forgiveness has remained fresh in my mind. For a long time, I had always wondered what it meant to really forgive. After the many bitter epoch's of life, once the anger and frustration has subsided, when I sit down to reason, argue and finally submit myself to God, albeit reluctantly, although I ask Lord for forgiveness and promise God to forgive all those people and memories, yet the question has always remained in me; what it means to really forgive? How does it feel to forgive as Stephan forgave, to suffer as Therese suffered and to love as Francis loved. Forgiveness is never an easy choice, let alone a natural one. It takes courage, it takes effort and mostly it needs faith. My question has always been how and when do I know that I've completely forgiven?

Its even harder when forgiveness has to become a daily choice. I have felt that its easier to forgive and move on from something that has already happened, when you know that its already behind you. But when we have to live daily with the reality of that situation or person, which is precisely what we are trying to forgive, it becomes a constant and often a losing battle against our own limitations to accept and love. Often the struggles in our families, the frustrations of our work places and the lukewarmness of our own faith are all of this nature. As someone rightly said, its a lot easier to die once and for all for Christ, whereas its much harder to live the faith, dying every single day to oneself. 'Then He said to them all(disciples), if any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.' (Luke 9:23). Its no wonder that this exhortation was not given to the crowd, but to his disciples in private. For many are called, but few are chosen.

Over time I've learned that I can never truly forgive on my own. Painful as it was, that has always been the truth. I can try how much ever I want, yet fall short of total forgiveness. On the other hand I know that it is truly possible to completely forgive, if grace from above would cover me. It is here that I understand the true meaning of what St Paul said, "I can do all things through him who strengthens me". Yes, if he, who made me, formed me in my mothers womb, who knows me through and through, would heal me, then forgiveness would come naturally, and love would flow out automatically. This is what inner healing is. A healing that sets us free. Free to love, and love until it hurts. When I get to that stage, I guess I would never have to wrestle with the question of whether or not to forgive or how much to forgive, because you, my brother, sister, can not hurt me, for I love you so much that there is no more any pain or offense, but love alone.

I often think about why Christ said what he said on the cross, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do". Was it easy for him there? Broken, rejected, dejected, alone, with no sight or hope of any help, even death seemed far away. Yes he was God, but he was true man as well. I would like to think that even in his most vulnerable moment, as he recited his last words, Christ truly meant every word of the above prayer. "For they know not what they do". The Romans were in command, the chief priests and elders were in control, yet here is Christ, saying they did not know what they were doing. Yes, very often we see, yet vision eludes us, we hear yet understanding eludes us, we touch but sadly, warmth eludes us. It is to me that Christ is saying from the cross, that he, who has hurt me, really does not know what he is doing. Yes, they have hit me where it pains the most, they revel when I am weak and most vulnerable, yet the Spirit of God in me slowly tells me, they do not know what they are doing. Yes Lord, I forgive...

Firmes en la Fe

"I ask you, dear friends, to love the Church which brought you to birth in the faith, which helped you to grow in the knowledge of Christ and which led you to discover the beauty of his love." (Pope Benedict 16 during the homily on Sunday)

Some events and experiences in life are bigger than life itself. They neither begin nor end, but comes as a gentle breeze, lifting us up into an ecstasy that mind can neither comprehend nor understand, but ever continues the process of self realization that manifests in its various expressions of love, joy and pure bliss.

It is this love and peace that I was honoured and privileged to experience during the last six odd days. With more than a million of my brothers and sisters from all across the world, we celebrated the gift of love, the gift of faith and above all, the gift of God himself. We sang our songs at noon when the sun was burning down at 40 degrees, we danced at midnight in jam packed metro stations, we raised our hearts and minds higher than the flags in our hands and when the rains came down, tears of joy flowed out of our eyes for we knew, that grace in its abundance was being bestowed upon us. How blessed O Lord, to see with awe and wonder the beauty and majesty of Your holy and ever Catholic Church. For a day in thy courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness. (Ps 84:10)

Love and faithfulness will meet; Justice and peace shall embrace (Ps 85:10). Indeed the supreme love of the holy Mother Church met with more than a million young hearts, united in their yearning to follow Christ, to serve Him, to be faithful to Him and trying to be firm in our faith. The chants of "Esta Es La Juventud Papa", came from deep within our hearts. The heart of the Church speaking to those hearts, that would one day shape and lead the same Church. There was no young and old there, for we were all young; we had the same dreams, the same visions, the same trials, the same sufferings and ever more, the same destiny. Yes, in our laughter, our songs and our dancing, making a joyful noise to the Lord we prayed ever more sincerely, so much so, that when the blessed Sacrament was exposed, even the raging winds calmed down as if not to disturb the union of God with us, Emmanuel.

The image of young men and women standing in the middle of the crowded airport runway of Cuatro Vientos at 2am in the morning and confessing their lives to priests who had no sleep, would always be in my heart. In my moments of struggle from now on, it would be you my friends, and what you said, holy father that would sustain me with hope and love. "Yes, dear friends, God loves us.  This is the great truth of our life; it is what makes everything else meaningful.  We are not the product of blind chance or absurdity; instead our life originates as part of a loving plan of God.  To abide in his love, then, means living a life rooted in faith, since faith is more than the mere acceptance of certain abstract truths: it is an intimate relationship with Christ, who enables us to open our hearts to this mystery of love and to live as men and women conscious of being loved by God."  

Alter Servers

Last week Francis Phillips wrote an article in Catholic Harald about why she thought the "The Cambridge chaplain is right to accept female servers at Tridentine Masses". Coming from an Eastern rite (syro malabar), my understanding of the "divisions" between the EF and OF forms of the Eucharist was pretty limited until Fr Alban McCoy decided to allow female alter servers for the Extraordinary Form. Finally today morning, there was the official clarification from Vatican stating that girls are not allowed to serve at the Extraordinary Form of the Mass. For a change, its is good to see the Holy See coming out promptly with a clear directive to settle a matter of dispute.

During the course of the last couple of weeks, it was a little sad to see some of the comments from both the traditionalists as well as the reformists on the subject. Obviously both groups felt very strongly on the subject and confrontation to an extend, is understandable. In matters of faith and specially when the groups or the individuals involved, think or 'know' deep down that they are doing the will of God, then consensus is out of question and even reconciliation becomes very difficult. Pope Benedict says this in one of his books, "There must not be a communion in which the avoidance of conflict becomes the prime pastoral value. Faith is always also a sword and may indeed promote conflict for the sake of truth and love ". Therefore, differences of opinion in themselves is in no way wrong, in fact, it can many times be considered a sign of life in the Church. The problem often is, how do we try and address this difference of opinion?

Personally, I have always been grateful to Vatican II for introducing Mass in vernacular, as I find that it enables ordinary people like me to understand the prayers of the mass in a deeper sense, thus enabling every catholic to be part of the Eucharistic celebration in a more personal way. But I also very much appreciate the beauty, history and profoundness of the extraordinary form as well. One is entitled to his likes and dislikes, personal opinions and judgements, but as Blessed John Paul II so precisely puts it, "the person is the sole author of the(his) judgement, but he is not the author of its truth ". Just because I deem something to be right, might not mean that my reasoning is in resonance with the objective truth of the scenario. In such a case, it seems to me, to be quite unchristian to openly and publicly revolt against the decisions of the Holy Father and the Magisterium in matters of faith. If only we knew the meaning of 'obedience is better than sacrifice'. By openly rejecting a teaching of the Church, one is explicitly and quite authoritatively asserting that, "I know better" and above all, if this public contradiction to the teaching of the Church comes from a seat of authority, then it sends all kinds of wrong signals to the many people out there for whom you might be a role model, and very often, the only role model. "It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin ". Yet in my turn I too ask, "Not me, Rabbi, surely? "

This in no way imply that Christians must suffer the many injustices against us and the community. No. But every person who follow Christ should have the wisdom and humility to understand where his/her thoughts and actions cross the boundary of righteousness and ventures into egoism. If every one of my judgements and actions is dictated and determined by my perception of right and wrong (and mostly by my perception alone), then probably its time to expand my horizons a little. For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.  

Veni Sancte Spiritus..

Mission and Charity

Last Sunday we visited the Missionaries of Charity house in Southall and spend the morning with the sisters over there. Although we had planned to arrive in time to join the sisters for the Holy Mass, as is our wont we were late in the morning and eventually reached there by about 10:15am. By that time most of the cooking was done and many of our guests had already come. We helped with the rest of the cooking, and by about 11, the sisters started off the Soup Kitchen with a short prayer, beginning with a hymn, followed by the Gospel reading for the Sunday and a short reflection on it and finally praying for our Lady's intercession. We helped with serving the lunch and once the meal finished, with the cleaning and also joined the sisters for their prayer after the Soup Kitchen.

Everything we did over there in the soup kitchen, eventually made sense to me because of what we did before that and after that in the chapel. Only in the context of the person of Christ could I see the meaning of all this. It is hard to do what the sisters are doing, day in day out. They don't take holidays, don't get appreciated for what they are doing, does the same chores day after day; washes the same dishes, mops the same floors and above all, the people they serve, more often than not, take them for granted. Yet, these same sisters made our day by the smile of their faces, the joy of their hearts and the warmth of their welcome. I read the Gospel, they, they live the Gospel. I search for Christ; and Christ lives in them.

Charity that doesn't have its root in faith, is mostly, unsustainable. Yes, we have hundreds of charities across the country doing some wonderful work. The difference is that Christian charities work with and for people who do not appreciate, most times hate, those who so selflessly serve them. "Mother Teresa left home at age 18 to join the Sisters of Loreto as a missionary. She never again saw her mother or sister"(reference wiki). All through the rest of her life, struggling as a young nun in a foreign land, taking care of the needy, the hungry, the naked, the homeless, the crippled, the blind, the lepers, the unwanted, the unloved, the uncared; she saw the face of Jesus in each and every person. And so she loved, loved every poor, injured and dying; because she was convinced she was doing what her Lord asked her to do. (John 13:34) She loved, because she knew the worth of a human being, the beauty of a human being, the dignity of a human being.

As St James rightly says, faith without work is useless. When God becomes the centre of my universe, the love of Christ emanates from the Spirit through me and Caritas becomes part of my character, just like the sisters we met. Every single day, the word is being made flesh through them, and all who have eyes to see, witness the miracle of the splendor of truth and yet I ask, what is truth...

Priestly Celibacy

Watching and listening to Kate Flanagan talking about her husband (watch it here), Fr Ted Flanagan, a former Catholic priest, having had to chose between the 'two love of his life', and thereby, asserting that Priestly Celibacy is an outdated and outright foolish concept, made me a bit sad. She went on to quote a study done among British Catholics about Priestly Celibacy, which it seems said that 60% doesn't support it. I can only imagine the intensity of the psychological, social and emotional struggle that a young priest, Fr Ted Flanagen, might have had to undergo 49 years back, while he was contemplating that decision. And it wouldn't be a surprise if the young priest did not find too many sympathetic ears around him at this most crucial time of his life. Even those who might have listened may not have been too helpful. The Church has this uncanny ability to disappear when you need her the most.

Yet none of what she said, could explain to me why she told this at the start of her address, "My message to the Pope would be simple, Benedict get your act together; abolish compulsory celibacy". Ahem, I was not aware that PB16 was the one who introduced celibacy. But good that you mentioned Pope Benedict. In his lecture on the topic "Ecclesial Movements and Their place in Theology", as the then Prefect of the Congregation for the Doctorine of the Faith, Cardinal Ratzinger says this, "The Church explicitly emphazised the strictly charismatic character of the priestly ministry by linking priesthood with celibacy - which quite simply can only be understood as a personal charism and never simply as a quality of the office....The church cannot dispose of it as she wishes; it is not just there and cannot be set up or arranged by the church out of her own resources. It comes into being only secondarily through the Church's call; primarily it is through God's call to this particular person." Yes, it is primarily Gods call; realised in the charism provided by and through the spirit, renewing the priest himself and those around him, every single moment. As St Paul says, "Those whom he predestined, he also called; and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified." This call from above is the reason why JP2 said, Once a priest, a priest forever. Yes, Kate is right when she says God was or even is Fr.Teds love.

In this age of instant gratification, at times we overlook the fact that love demands sacrifice. Even the most pure form of love we humans know, a mothers love for her child, requires nine months of anxious wait where the mother's love lets her child take control of her womb; the love which gives strength to the mother through the many sleepless nights of care and protection; the many years of growing up and finally when he is ready to fly on his own, the love that manifests itself by letting go. John says Gods love is far deeper and harder to comprehend. If I love him, there are many things that I love otherwise, that I need to let go. But I reject all of them, not out of frustration and not at all, because the Pope and the church demands me to, but because I love him. In my teenage, I mistook passion for love and in my youth, ideology for love. As St Paul says, for now you see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. As I advance in age, love is slowly unraveling itself before me more and more clearly. And I understand now, I need grace, divine grace, to love; love as it is defined by God through Paul.

It was never my intention to make a critical judgment of Fr Ted. I do not know the circumstances or the realities of the time and situation; but I also think, it was a bit unfair of Fr Ted and Mrs Kate to make a judgment about priestly celibacy based their experience alone. That is not doing justice to the hundreds of thousands of priests, nuns and religious who have marched and are marching along this journey, faithfully, trusting in the providence of Jesus alone. Yes, they also feel tempted, they also feel at times that it is not worth it, yet, they walk in faith, in hope and in trust. From His passover meal to His last breath, all along the streets of Jerusalem carrying the heavy cross on his shoulders, He looked to the right, yet found no one who knew him, not even a trace of the Father he passionately talked about and in whose name he worked wonders. It was not the flogging that broke him, it was that feeling of being abandoned, whence he cried out, My God, My God, why have you forsaken me. All who have the courage to follow him, would at some point have to go through this abandonment. The above mentioned Church's ability to disappear seems less strange now.

At the end of it, it seemed a bit strange that Fr Ted did not talk even a single word. May be he was too frail. But as Kazantzakis's Francis said to Leo, "had it not been for grace, how far worse would I have been". The Mother Theresa's and the Francis's did what they did out of love for God, but also through grace that strengthened them. It is that grace that would lead every priest and nun and all those who are called to family life also, in their journey home. No, none of the vocations are easy. Harder still is the vocation to Love.