I started with this blog post some time last week and for some reason (that I cant now remember), titled it iForgive, and the next day, as I woke up, the first news that greeted me was the death of Steve Jobs!! Its a great mystery to see the way in which the seemingly different, inconsequential things, sometime feel interconnected in life. Many consider it chance, luck or coincidence, whereas Blessed John Paul II used to call it grace and providence.
Over the last couple of weeks, the question of forgiveness have come up again and again. Through the many things that have happened during these days, the subject of forgiveness has remained fresh in my mind. For a long time, I had always wondered what it meant to really forgive. After the many bitter epoch's of life, once the anger and frustration has subsided, when I sit down to reason, argue and finally submit myself to God, albeit reluctantly, although I ask Lord for forgiveness and promise God to forgive all those people and memories, yet the question has always remained in me; what it means to really forgive? How does it feel to forgive as Stephan forgave, to suffer as Therese suffered and to love as Francis loved. Forgiveness is never an easy choice, let alone a natural one. It takes courage, it takes effort and mostly it needs faith. My question has always been how and when do I know that I've completely forgiven?
Its even harder when forgiveness has to become a daily choice. I have felt that its easier to forgive and move on from something that has already happened, when you know that its already behind you. But when we have to live daily with the reality of that situation or person, which is precisely what we are trying to forgive, it becomes a constant and often a losing battle against our own limitations to accept and love. Often the struggles in our families, the frustrations of our work places and the lukewarmness of our own faith are all of this nature. As someone rightly said, its a lot easier to die once and for all for Christ, whereas its much harder to live the faith, dying every single day to oneself. 'Then He said to them all(disciples), if any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.' (Luke 9:23). Its no wonder that this exhortation was not given to the crowd, but to his disciples in private. For many are called, but few are chosen.
Over time I've learned that I can never truly forgive on my own. Painful as it was, that has always been the truth. I can try how much ever I want, yet fall short of total forgiveness. On the other hand I know that it is truly possible to completely forgive, if grace from above would cover me. It is here that I understand the true meaning of what St Paul said, "I can do all things through him who strengthens me". Yes, if he, who made me, formed me in my mothers womb, who knows me through and through, would heal me, then forgiveness would come naturally, and love would flow out automatically. This is what inner healing is. A healing that sets us free. Free to love, and love until it hurts. When I get to that stage, I guess I would never have to wrestle with the question of whether or not to forgive or how much to forgive, because you, my brother, sister, can not hurt me, for I love you so much that there is no more any pain or offense, but love alone.
I often think about why Christ said what he said on the cross, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do". Was it easy for him there? Broken, rejected, dejected, alone, with no sight or hope of any help, even death seemed far away. Yes he was God, but he was true man as well. I would like to think that even in his most vulnerable moment, as he recited his last words, Christ truly meant every word of the above prayer. "For they know not what they do". The Romans were in command, the chief priests and elders were in control, yet here is Christ, saying they did not know what they were doing. Yes, very often we see, yet vision eludes us, we hear yet understanding eludes us, we touch but sadly, warmth eludes us. It is to me that Christ is saying from the cross, that he, who has hurt me, really does not know what he is doing. Yes, they have hit me where it pains the most, they revel when I am weak and most vulnerable, yet the Spirit of God in me slowly tells me, they do not know what they are doing. Yes Lord, I forgive...
Over the last couple of weeks, the question of forgiveness have come up again and again. Through the many things that have happened during these days, the subject of forgiveness has remained fresh in my mind. For a long time, I had always wondered what it meant to really forgive. After the many bitter epoch's of life, once the anger and frustration has subsided, when I sit down to reason, argue and finally submit myself to God, albeit reluctantly, although I ask Lord for forgiveness and promise God to forgive all those people and memories, yet the question has always remained in me; what it means to really forgive? How does it feel to forgive as Stephan forgave, to suffer as Therese suffered and to love as Francis loved. Forgiveness is never an easy choice, let alone a natural one. It takes courage, it takes effort and mostly it needs faith. My question has always been how and when do I know that I've completely forgiven?
Its even harder when forgiveness has to become a daily choice. I have felt that its easier to forgive and move on from something that has already happened, when you know that its already behind you. But when we have to live daily with the reality of that situation or person, which is precisely what we are trying to forgive, it becomes a constant and often a losing battle against our own limitations to accept and love. Often the struggles in our families, the frustrations of our work places and the lukewarmness of our own faith are all of this nature. As someone rightly said, its a lot easier to die once and for all for Christ, whereas its much harder to live the faith, dying every single day to oneself. 'Then He said to them all(disciples), if any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.' (Luke 9:23). Its no wonder that this exhortation was not given to the crowd, but to his disciples in private. For many are called, but few are chosen.
Over time I've learned that I can never truly forgive on my own. Painful as it was, that has always been the truth. I can try how much ever I want, yet fall short of total forgiveness. On the other hand I know that it is truly possible to completely forgive, if grace from above would cover me. It is here that I understand the true meaning of what St Paul said, "I can do all things through him who strengthens me". Yes, if he, who made me, formed me in my mothers womb, who knows me through and through, would heal me, then forgiveness would come naturally, and love would flow out automatically. This is what inner healing is. A healing that sets us free. Free to love, and love until it hurts. When I get to that stage, I guess I would never have to wrestle with the question of whether or not to forgive or how much to forgive, because you, my brother, sister, can not hurt me, for I love you so much that there is no more any pain or offense, but love alone.
I often think about why Christ said what he said on the cross, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do". Was it easy for him there? Broken, rejected, dejected, alone, with no sight or hope of any help, even death seemed far away. Yes he was God, but he was true man as well. I would like to think that even in his most vulnerable moment, as he recited his last words, Christ truly meant every word of the above prayer. "For they know not what they do". The Romans were in command, the chief priests and elders were in control, yet here is Christ, saying they did not know what they were doing. Yes, very often we see, yet vision eludes us, we hear yet understanding eludes us, we touch but sadly, warmth eludes us. It is to me that Christ is saying from the cross, that he, who has hurt me, really does not know what he is doing. Yes, they have hit me where it pains the most, they revel when I am weak and most vulnerable, yet the Spirit of God in me slowly tells me, they do not know what they are doing. Yes Lord, I forgive...
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